Women have sent us notes, email, and letters telling us how important it was to them to have their husbands present at the birth of their children. Over and over again, women have let us know how vital their husband’s role as coach in their births was and how they couldn’t have done it without them.
How does a dad make such a difference? How did his role increase the quality of the marriage, closeness of the family and bonding to the baby? Here are a few notes that moms have shared with us.
We achieved a natural Bradley® Birth with our third son and it has been the most extraordinary experience of my life. Although my husband was with me for all of our children’s births, I did not feel he was as ‘present’ as he was for our Bradley® Birth. We had a connection that was so powerful that I believe we are still feeling it today, 16 months later. From our training together to his coaching during the birth, we were an awesome team. The energy from this connection heightened our emotions and positive drive to achieve this beautiful natural start for our baby.
He was my voice, and my protector, so all I needed to concentrate on was the birth. He knew exactly what I needed and wanted, and his confident presence gave me added strength through the whole birth. We achieved a short and productive labour with an almost pain-free birth. Although there were other people in the room, they were following our lead in contrast to following the way they thought the birth should proceed. My husband felt so much more involved in the birth than before and was confident, proud and happy in his role.
Together we created a life and together we brought him into the world. We’ve always had the vision and belief system for a natural birth; we just had the wrong tools to achieve it. Husband-Coached Childbirth, along with our Bradley® Natural Childbirth Educator, gave us the knowledge, skills and power to achieve a beautiful natural birth. I have referred many friends and family to Dr. Bradley’s empowering book and I am inspired to one day be a Bradley® Natural Childbirth Educator to help spread the word. I would just like to say one more thing – thank you.”
Nikki R.
A husband is so important at the birth and throughout the labor. For our second child, my husband came home from work after I had been in labor about 3 or 4 hours. Because he hadn’t been there, he had a hard time jumping in as coach. He knew how to observe me to see where I was at.
We – he realized that it was time to go… Too late and we had the baby at the back door on our way to the car. The coach is another set of eyes and can see and evaluate where mom is at far better than mom. So it’s good, Very Good to have a husband-coach at the whole labor!
Rachelle M.
Thanks to Bradley®, my husband was able to be a part of it all. He went from not wanting to see, to wanting to catch our baby. Even though he didn’t get to do that, he still got the joy of doing everything he could to help.
Carrie H.
Having my husband at the birth of our two children was amazing. Just like with anything in our lives, I know that with him, I can do anything. He is a constant source of love and support and I couldn’t imagine going through labor without him.
During my labor, I did not like to be touched or talked to. But I liked having my husband to hold on to (ironically, I could touch him even though I didn’t like it the other way around). I held onto him with all that I had, with my entire being. He was my rock. He was my constant. He was my everything in those moments.
I can’t stress enough how important my husband was. Birth any other way just wouldn’t be the same.
Allison K.
Early in our pregnancy, Marcus and I started talking about our expectations for the delivery of our little one. We both expressed interest in natural, unmedicated childbirth. We were shocked to learn in our early pregnancy class, that the epidural rate was higher than 90% at the hospital we had chosen to give birth. We knew that if we were serious about giving our baby the best start in life that we would have to look beyond the childbirth classes offered by the hospital.
I stumbled across The Bradley Method® on the internet and became very curious; I was drawn to the method because of the focus on natural childbirth, the success of the method, but also on the involvement of the husband. Unfortunately, there were no teachers in our area, but I contacted
some instructors in our state anyhow. I made a great connection with a Bradley® instructor who lived a little over 2 hours away from our home. Her story with wanting natural childbirth was the same as mine, she provided me with a lot of great information, and invited us to their home and to sit in on a class. After meeting the instructors (a husband and wife team) and sitting through one class, we committed to The Bradley Method®.
Labor and childbirth were more physically and emotionally demanding then I could’ve imagined. Bradley® classes never taught us that it would be easy, rather they prepared us for the natural birth process. My husband was so instrumental in Kalea’s birth; from the time we left for the hospital, Marcus never left my side, not even for a moment. I whole-heartedly believe I would not have been able to go through it without his love and support.
Kalea nursed eagerly for at least an hour after she was born, and continues in a wonderful nursing relationship with me. She was awake and alert for much of the first 24 hours after she was born, and from birth her neck was very strong and she was able to pick up and move her head, unlike the other babies we had seen whose mom’s chose to have epidurals. We are blessed to have such a happy and healthy little girl, and we believe this was at least in part because she was not under the effects of any medication.
When we look back on Kalea’s birth, it is frightening to think of the birth we might have had and the resulting outcomes if we didn’t have the information and preparation that the Bradley® classes gave us. We are very grateful for our Bradley® teachers, the shared experiences of other students, and the members of our birth team who supported our desires for a natural, unmedicated birth. They all had a part in our beautiful Bradley® birth, and our beautiful Bradley® Baby!
Kalea Jean was born at 3:12 a.m., on April 1st, in Iowa City, Iowa. She was born a happy healthy baby girl, naturally.
Kara S.
My husband was amazing. I’ve never needed the kind of mental support that this labor required yet he was on top of his game the entire time, never emitting an ounce of doubt in our ability to have this baby naturally.
I knew when I was complete, and was excited to finally meet the baby we had worked so hard for. About 30 minutes after I had begun pushing, my husband caught our fourth child, a girl, 8 lbs., 8 oz., 21 in. long.
Our three other children ages 6, 4, and 2 were there for the birth as well. This was the first birth any of them had seen though we had done lots of prepping with Bradley® materials. It was amazing for both us and them! I am a strong advocate now for children at birth and believe it has made our family closer, with deeper intimacy between us all. My 2 year old kept wanting to play with the umbilical cord and called it a “fake worm”. The pictures are priceless.Kathi V.
We did not quite make it to the hospital in time! Instead I gave birth on a blanket on the side of a road! The only people present at the birth were me, Chris and our daughter. Although we would never choose to have an unattended birth, it was very nice to be left alone to allow nature to take its course. Chris is very proud to have been the one to catch Emily and he is happy that he will be listed on the birth certificate as having delivered her!
For the third time now The Bradley Method® has served us well! We felt well prepared for Emily’s birth and are very happy with the birth that we could give her.
Susan L.
I was still in some distress, “I’m not in control,” I cried. My husband Chris, ever the sanity check, responded, “No, you’re not.” I said I thought I needed to be side-lying… but I had about one chance to move before everything happened. I knew I needed to, but not how I could manage it. I was stuck. Thankfully, Chris took charge. From his perch behind me, he hooked his arms under mine and just heaved back, pulling me up on top of himself… Chris turned, putting me down on my side with him lying on his side behind me, still my strong support. (This must have made poor Chris feel like he was run over by a bus!)
When the baby was born, Chris and I exulted and cried. We’d done it. Our baby Eleanor Grace, (Nora), was here!
Ellen C.
“My husband, Jesse, was one of the first fathers allowed to be in the labor and delivery room in Atlanta in 1972. After having two medicated births in our third pregnancy we sought out a supportive doctor who used Husband-Coached Childbirth as his bible for all his dad’s to read. I was a nervous wreck from problems from the previous drugged deliveries. I had my first natural childbirth the Bradley® way with my husband having a more active role in helping me through learning how, by The Bradley Method®!
I really clung to my husband, depending on him to see me through all the hard work that was well worth it, and a lot better than the fearful deliveries I had experienced before. We went on to have our fourth… Jesse caught our girl himself with the doctor beside him! I depended on Jesse during labor, emotionally and mentally as well as physically, to actively coach me through these births! The hospital staffs were supportive, yet I still clung to my experienced husband-coach as if we were the only ones there. Totally lost in his love, his helping me birth our children was more effective than any number of strangers with expertise or drugs that could have been offered.
The love between us as a couple grew with each birth as we worked together to give birth instead of being delivered! I could not have made it without Jesse’s helping me! The fears and phobias of birth seemed to disappear as he lovingly gave me undivided attention and love as I gave birth. Thank you honey!
Bonnie W.
At 2:30 am I woke Steve and told him, “I don’t think we’ll be going to church today.” Steve got up and walked around a little, trying to decide what to do with himself while I stayed in bed on my side. He canned the shower idea and decided to just rub my back instead, which I greatly appreciated.
We continued to time contractions and I decided it would probably be good for me to get up and walk around a little, especially since I didn’t feel like lying down any more. Before I started walking, I figured it would take until mid-morning for this baby to come, but once I was up, stuff started to happen!
At 3:30 Steve called Marsena (our midwife) – my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and 1+ minutes long. Steve then called my mom and his mom to come over. Contractions got harder very fast and I had a lot of pressure on my bottom.
Steve applied pressure to my back during the contractions. I relaxed through most of my contractions by kneeling in front of the love seat in our bedroom, laying my torso across two pillows on the seat cushions.
I got up and walked between each contraction and returned to the sofa each time one started. Then I had two contractions that were hard – I shook and had tremendous pressure and a desire to push. I was sure I felt the baby actually drop or slip down into the pelvis on the last one.
Mom really helped me through that one by being calm and encouraging me to be calm too (it’s as though she took a Bradley® class – way to go, mom!).
At this point I was really shaky – my visible sign of transition – even though I was still pretty with it. I don’t think I got totally brainless until I was pushing. At any rate, I went over to the bed and Marsena checked me – my only vaginal exam the whole pregnancy – and said I had an anterior lip and a bulging bag of waters. In short, she gave me the ok to push when I felt like it. I lay on my side and Steve encouraged me to take a few more contractions before pushing to really establish readiness (hard to hear from my perspective, but good coaching advice).
I wanted to get into a pushing position and mentioned squatting or something. Marsena suggested all fours, which sounded good to me since I was transitioning into brainlessness. Beth, Marsena, and Steve organized the pads under me while I tried to get onto my hands and knees.
With the next contraction I pushed a little, but not much, while mom stroked my back and Steve applied pressure (forever applying pressure!) to my back. We worked through two contractions like that and then they set about trying to create a pillow stack for me to rest on during contractions, because I hadn’t been off my hands and knees since I got there. What they came up with wasn’t all that successful, so I decided to just stick it out where I was.
During the next contraction my water broke, which felt really good – a release of pressure. I joked about ruining my good socks. I sat back on my knees trying to rest. It didn’t feel the best, but was my only option.
With the next contraction, Molly moved down to crowning and Marsena told me to push gently. I eased up and the pressure and burning were immense. I was shaking badly and Marsena said to only push with the next contraction. We waited and waited and waited for that contraction.
Finally at 5:23am it came and I pushed Molly out all at one time. I only had a tiny tear, which didn’t need repair, and Molly had a knot in her cord, which fascinated Marsena. Molly cried very little and was thickly coated with vernix. She nursed immediately and stayed at the breast for one hour! She was rather unhappy when removed from that position.
After the birth of the placenta, Marsena and Beth allowed us to be together with Molly for an hour before doing any checks on her. It was great!
The boys woke up half an hour after Molly was born and came in to see her. Joel was very excited and Asher was upset that it wasn’t a boy.
They decided to stay up and have breakfast. They actually got to go to church that morning too.
At the beginning of it all, I never thought Molly would be born so quickly. I was sure labor was going to last a little longer. But all went well and I am tremendously pleased to have been in my house with my family and a few trusted individuals. It was a blessed and Spirit filled experience for which I will always thank God.
Ginger W.
Todd practically handed out our birth plan to everyone in the maternity ward! It was stated quite clearly that we were not interested in medication of any kind unless certain necessary circumstances deemed so, and only then should they speak to Todd about it first so he could confer with me.
My first “real” contraction was at 1 am. They were about 17 minutes apart so we were both able to get a semi-decent night of rest. In the morning they started coming about 5-7 minutes apart and the nurse really wanted to get things going. She recommended Pitocin quite a few times but we politely declined each time. Finally she referred to our birth plan and asked
us to take a walk, take a shower and do some manual nipple stimulation – all the techniques we had put down that we preferred to do to augment labor. It worked. We took a walk and then I did the stimulation in the shower. The contractions became stronger and closer together almost immediately.
My husband was the best coach I could’ve hoped for. He attended to my every need and made it possible for me to truly relax my entire body during contractions. Two hours after the OB checked my dilation I felt the uncontrollable need to push. I was at 10 cm! I pushed for 2 hours and 17 minutes and our beautiful baby boy, Rowan, was born.
I couldn’t have done it without the incredible support and strength of my husband. He helped me to realize my strength in this natural process. Although there are things I can think of now that I would’ve done differently and the next time I will probably give birth at home to do away with unnecessary interventions, I am so lucky to have studied The Bradley Method® with my husband and that the end result was a healthy mother, baby and family!
Jodi S.
My contractions began around 3:30 a.m. on the fourth. I had had a few days where I’d have early morning contractions, but they were sporadic and died out. So I figured I’d keep tabs on these like the others, but I didn’t expect anything. Our due date was the fifth, so I knew it could be any day. By 4:30 a.m. John was up and I told him I’d been having contractions. He decided to time them and see if they had any patterns. He had about an hour before he had to leave for work.
By 5:30 a.m. John said we had a pattern and I admitted these contractions were stronger than the ones I had had in earlier days. John had already decided to stay home from work. We decided to call our midwife.
The boys were up and dressed, the cake was made and the birth tub was full by 9:00 a.m. I read a magazine in between contractions. Our assistant midwife called to check in and say she too was on her way. After talking to John a bit, she said the baby sounded like he was OP and I should try a very uncomfortable hands and knees position in 15 minute intervals to give him a better chance of turning. I tried it for 15 minutes, hated it and decided my body felt better doing my squatting birth dance so I stood up. John agreed I should do what felt best, that I should follow my body’s lead.
By 9:30 a.m., I began to feel pushy at the peak of contractions. I didn’t say anything, but John must have known. He came over to check on me. Conversation was frequently interrupted by contractions. He knows my birth dance well. He looked at the time, close to 10:00 a.m. Where was our midwife? He picked up the phone to call her to see how far away she was and just then she pulled up. I felt better when I saw her car. Now to call Kaye, the lady from church that was coming to help out with the boys. Thankfully, she didn’t live far– we couldn’t wait any longer. The boys were doing great. They were playing a game on the computer. John was running around trying to keep tabs on me and the boys and still help Paula to get set up.
I went to my room; I knew we were getting close. I went to the bathroom and boy did I feel like pushing there! I still didn’t say anything—nothing was ready yet. Paula, our midwife, and John were scrambling to set up. When I couldn’t resist the push urge with the peaks of the contractions, I told Paula I was feeling pushy.
I was moving faster than she was ready for. Next she checked me, I was at 8 cm. She checked baby’s heart beat, it sounded good.
I got in the tub. The water felt good. It took the edge off of the contractions. John passed the boys off to Kaye and stayed in the room with me. Now I could relax a bit. With everything set up and John staying put, I gave myself permission to let go and push. I had started pushing a bit when I got in the pool. It wasn’t until these “pre-pushes” that my mucus plug came out and my water broke.
Once my water broke, I gave about four good pushes and Connor was born, it was 11:14 a.m.—just shy of an eight hour labor. It was glorious, a little loud, but glorious. No rips, tears or episiotomies, not even a nuchal cord to contend with. Somewhere in my pushing the boys had entered the room to watch their brother being born. They did a great job and they were very excited to be a part of their brother’s birth. I was glad they were there—I was glad John was there.
We had done it. In about a month we had moved to California from Oregon, set up a household, got a midwife and had a baby. Wow! What a month! Now we could relax a bit and enjoy our new family. It was a great birth day!
Gina B.
It was my second baby and being a Bradley® instructor, I was completely prepared… I thought. I knew this baby was posterior and had tried everything to get him to turn in the weeks before his birth. When labor began I immediately got in the tub on my hands and knees to try to turn him. Then when labor slowed, my husband and I walked around our neighborhood on and off for a couple of hours. It was getting late in the evening and the contractions were infrequent and not very strong so we both went to bed.
A couple of hours later I knew this was really labor, so I got up and got back in the tub. Matt was by my side and encouraging me to visualize the baby turning. He helped me relax by lighting candles and putting on soothing music. The contractions were not painful, just strong and I was feeling the pressure in my lower back. When we decided to leave for the hospital, Matt made the transition easy by getting everything ready and being so calm. He was acting like such a pro even though he had only done this once before.
We arrived at the hospital and Matt took care of dealing with the nurses, getting our stuff situated, and getting me ice to suck on, all the while
maintaining pressure on my lower back with a rice-filled heating pad. It was the only thing that felt good out of the bath. When I threw up, he got me a pail and cleaned it up, even though he has such a weak stomach that he often throws up while changing a diaper!
We got into the great, big hospital tub and he made sure I was comfortable, dimmed the lights and whispered encouraging words to me for the next few hours. The back labor was intense and I was starting to panic. They had checked me after 5 hours of hard labor and I was only 5 cm. I was getting overwhelmed and wondering if I could do another 5+ hours. He was the ONLY thing that got me through this period of self-doubt. He kept me calm and made me stop clenching my jaw and fists.
Then after an unbelievable hard contraction, I jumped from the tub and my water broke. He was startled and ran like the wind to get the nurse as the baby’s head began to crown. After a couple of pushes, the panicked nurse delivered our beautiful baby boy (Aaron Matthew – 8 lbs, 8 oz) while my astonished husband shook his head and said he had NO idea I was so close to delivery … He said I was too calm and relaxed to be in transition!
Julie O.
My husband was so involved from the beginning. His favorite coaching tool was the emotional sign posts. All day I had been leaking amniotic fluid (so I figured). We were visiting his parents when my contractions began. We just visited, watched movies, and I rocked in a chair. I remember really feeling comforted by my dog. He sat on my lap as I rocked and I petted him throughout early labor.
When we decided to go to the hospital, Luke was very careful to check the labor signposts. He made me wait, like a sport coach. In the hospital, he was so supportive; suggesting things like walking, taking a bath, and kept on me to drink water. He was constantly giving me the back rub (and support) I needed. I remember feeling so vulnerable –and here he was, holding my hair back, talking to the nurses for me. He was even using vocalization along with me. He was always right at my side, which is where I needed him most.
When Mia was born, we looked at each other through our tears, with new life, new love, and as a new family.
Anna B.
Taking the Bradley® classes really helped improve our marriage and bring us closer to our unborn baby.
My husband was wonderful during our birth. I truly feel that I couldn’t have done it without him. I was so comfortable with him helping me relax during early labor. During transition he was the person I needed the most. From the Bradley® classes he learned to vocalize his feelings toward me and encourage me the entire time. The birth was an amazing experience because my husband was there. I am very thankful that the Bradley® classes made the natural birth of my daughter, Madison, an amazing experience for us.
Jodi R.
The thing I appreciated most about having my husband participating in the birth of our daughter, was the fact that I knew I could rely on him not to get carried away with his emotions. In every day life he is very steady and even keeled no matter what, and it is very rare that anything phases him. So I knew that during labor and delivery his calmness and composure would keep me grounded, just like it always has during every other major event in our lives.
Stephanie N.
©2007 AAHCC
